


Six Rules to Survive Falling in Love With Your Best Friend (And How to Break Them) by Dr. Leonard McCoy

by babel



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-01
Updated: 2011-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-20 22:19:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babel/pseuds/babel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rule #1: Don't fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Rules to Survive Falling in Love With Your Best Friend (And How to Break Them) by Dr. Leonard McCoy

After the Jocelyn debacle of '54, McCoy got himself a PADD; one of those little ones that could fit in a breast pocket. He planned to write down his personal code in that PADD for future reference, but for the first year, it only contained one line of text.

 _Rule #1: Don't fall in love._

He broke that rule a few months after he made it, so maybe it was a sense of shame that kept him from getting it out again at first. When he finally did, he was drunk, and he made the following correction.

 _Rule #1: Don't fall in love **wiht youbest fren.d**_

After waking up the next morning, he amended it further.

 _Rule #1: Don't fall in love with your best friend, **but if you do, don't sleep with him.**_

In his defense, he did stick to that rule. For a few weeks. And it was all Kirk's fault that he broke it.

__________

By McCoy's count, Kirk had dragged him to approximately eight thousand and seventy two double dates. This time, it was these blonde twins that he'd been going on about for days on end.

McCoy couldn't remember their names, which at least meant he didn't mix them up. In any case, he was enjoying his mint julep more than either of them--Cosmo's was the only bar in the state that made a good one--so he didn't quite catch whatever Kirk said to cause one of them to throw a drink in his face and both of them to leave in a huff.

Slowly, he turned his head toward Kirk, who was still grinning like an idiot with martini dripping off the tip of his nose.

"I don't know what you said, but I'm guessing you deserved that." McCoy grabbed a napkin and started wiping off Kirk's face.

Kirk tilted his head away like a grumpy toddler, but he didn't try to get McCoy to stop. "I probably did, but you've got to take chances, right?"

"That's what you keep saying," McCoy said flatly.

"Anyway, who needs 'em. There's plenty of, uh, fish in..." Kirk was beginning to realize that the bar was almost empty. "Oh."

"Think everybody who's getting laid's either left or given up at this time of night." McCoy crumpled up the sad, damp little napkin and tossed it into the booth across from them.

Kirk twisted around in his seat to find a somewhat arachnoid alien hunched in a corner over several empty glasses. He swung back around, grimacing. "This could be a problem."

McCoy snorted, downing the rest of his drink. "Look, even Jim Kirk can go one night without getting his dick wet."

"But..." Kirk pouted and rested his chin on his arms, which he'd folded on the table. He was generally a fun drunk, but he could become a sulky drunk like flipping a switch. "But I really _want_ to."

"Can't have everything," McCoy said with a shrug. Maybe he was an asshole, but he didn't feel too bad about Kirk striking out tonight. It was one night he could spend without thinking about his best friend banging some gorgeous woman who a grumpy old bastard like himself could never compete with.

Not that he wanted to.

McCoy was thinking about ordering one last drink before closing time when he noticed Kirk had turned his head and was now peering up at him with a strange glint in his eyes.

"What?"

Kirk strung together some vowels, which were apparently supposed to mean "I don't know."

McCoy rolled his eyes and looked away, but he found he was a little jittery now. He bounced his foot under the table. "So, are we going, or do you pl--"

"I think we should have sex."

McCoy's foot stopped it's bouncing. He looked down at Kirk, expecting to see some evidence it was a joke. His best friend was just smiling up at him with that look in his eyes that McCoy recognized from all the times he'd seen it leveled on an attractive woman.

"Look, it makes sense." Kirk pushed against the table to sit himself upright again. "I wanna do it, and you never get any, so you've gotta be just about _bursting_. And who's to say two friends can't, you know..."

"I think there's a few people who'd say that."

"Well fuck those guys, they're just jealous their friends aren't as hot as me. You think I'm hot right? So why not?"

McCoy swallowed thickly. Why'd he tell himself not to sleep with Kirk? There must've been a reason. "You're drunk. I'm going to get you back to your room."

Kirk just smiled that I'm-going-to-do-something-stupid-soon smile, but McCoy ignored it. He pushed out of the booth then dragged Kirk along with him, letting him lean heavily on his shoulder all the way back to the dorms.

As soon as the door to Kirk's dorm slid open, he shouted "Honey, I'm home!"

"You jackass, your roommate 's probably asleep."

Kirk snorted. "Probably. But he's home in Boston for some family thing this week." He turned his head to look right into McCoy's eyes. Their faces were far too close, and Kirk's eyes were far too blue. "We got the room to ourselves."

"Uh huh." Kirk had hooked his arm around McCoy's neck and was dragging him further into the room, stumbling and laughing. "You're probably too drunk to get it up anyway."

"Oh? Is that your medical opinion, Doctor?" Kirk turned and pushed his hips against McCoy's leg and... yeah. It was getting pretty clear neither of them was too drunk to get it up. Kirk leaned in and whispered in his ear. "See, I knew you think I'm hot."

"Shit," McCoy hissed. "Fine, okay. Just... Come on."

"I plan to," Kirk said, still laughing as McCoy led him over to the bed. Once they were close enough, Kirk twisted and fell back onto the mattress pulling McCoy down on top of him. Their faces were close again, and McCoy wanted to... "The way I see it is it doesn't count if there's no kissing," Kirk said.

McCoy nodded, but with Kirk's fingers unfastening his pants, he would've agreed to anything.

And like it was nothing, Kirk just pulled McCoy's cock out of his underwear and looked down at it. "Hey, not bad. Always had you pegged as short and thick, but you're just _thick_."

Most of McCoy's higher level thought processes had shut down for the night, but that still caught his attention. "Wait, you've been thinkin' about my cock?"

"I think about everybody's cock. It's one of the first things I decide about someone; what their cock probably looks like. Y'know, if they have one." Kirk pushed his hips up. "Heeey, you wanna see mine or what?"

McCoy nodded again and worked at unfastening Kirk's pants. He tried to think of it in a clinical way, like this wasn't exactly what he'd been fascinating about for months, like it was just a matter of two guys who wanted to get off and--

And he slid Kirk's pants down. No underwear. Just Kirk's cock, long and hard and slightly curved toward his belly.

Kirk chuckled and wiggled the rest of the way out of his pants, pulled off his shirt, and reached for a tube that was sitting on his bedside table. "Does it look like you expected?"

"I don't..." McCoy shook himself out of it and raised an eyebrow. "Genitals aren't the first thing I think about when I meet someone."

"Not even me?" Kirk batted his eyelashes coquettishly. He didn't wait for an answer, though. He tossed the tube back on his bedside table and reached down between them. He stroked himself once, then reached out his fingers to curl around McCoy's cock until he was holding them both in his hand.

McCoy couldn't help himself; he pushed into Kirk's hand, palm on one side, cock on the other. He groaned.

"Poor Bones." Kirk said with a grin. He touched his waist lightly with one hand while he began to stroke them together with the other. "Too good looking never to get laid, y'know?"

McCoy clenched his jaw. If he looked at Kirk too long, he wanted to kiss him, so he looked at the sheet bunched up next to Kirk's head instead. "Just shut up, okay. I'm trying to do something here." He leaned his weight onto one arm and reached down to put his hand over Kirk's. He squeezed Kirk's fist so it was tighter around them, and he began to stroke along with him.

Kirk's eyes drifted closed as he quietly moaned, and McCoy let himself look at him again. He didn't usually let himself think about how gorgeous his best friend was. He didn't want things to get weird, didn't want to ruin the only real friendship he had.

But, dammit, Kirk was beautiful, and every time McCoy looked at him, he felt this warmth in his chest that he couldn't stop. He felt it now too, except it was everywhere, and the way their hands and cocks slid together so naturally, and the way Kirk was positively purring at the sensation...

This crazy hope was beginning to bloom inside McCoy, and he didn't have the strength to cut it off at the bud. He just helplessly rolled his hips and pumped his fist, and it wasn't long before Kirk was crying out and gasping. His big blue eyes were open again, and he was staring up at McCoy.

McCoy couldn't keep looking at him, though. He leaned over him, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Kirk's neck, and he grunted as he came. He tensed and trembled, and at the end of it, there were tears in the corners of his eyes.

They breathed together for a long time, not moving, until finally Kirk said, "Told you it was a good idea."

"Yeah." McCoy finally let go of Kirk's hand and rolled off of him.

Kirk curled up on his side, his back to McCoy. "You can sleep here if you want."

McCoy nodded silently, staring up at the ceiling. This had been a mistake, hadn't it? Had it? He wasn't sure.

It was only a few minutes before Kirk was snoring. McCoy sat up on the side of the bed and cradled his head in his hands.

Before he left to sleep in his own bed, he took his PADD out of his pocket.

Rule #2: If you sleep with your best friend, don't regret it, don't think about it too much, and don't get your hopes up.

As he was writing that rule, he knew he was already breaking it.

__________

A few days after their encounter, Kirk had a steady girlfriend.

Completely unrelated, McCoy had decided to focus more on his school work, and to spend less time hanging out with his best friend and the girlfriend he was bringing along with him everywhere.

On the second week of his rededication to his academic achievement being totally ignored by his friend, he made the following rule.

 _Rule #3: Don't get jealous. It's a stupid waste of time, and he'll drop her in a little while, and you shouldn't want to sleep with him again anyway, because you weren't supposed to in the first place, you damned idiot._

He later shortened it to simply _Don't get jealous, you damned idiot._

Then, he threw his PADD across the room, and decided to ask the semi-cute girl in his Exobiology class out on a date.

__________

McCoy was woken from a rather deep sleep by frantic pounding on his dorm room door. He apologized to his roommate (who had also been sleeping) a few hundred times on his way to answer it.

It was Kirk.

"What the hell's going on? Is there an emer--"

"Bones, you have a girlfriend!" Kirk laughed as he grabbed McCoy by his shoulders and shook him. "Why didn't you tell me? I guess I haven't seen you around. I've been busy with Ruth, but. Damn! You actually have a girlfriend. We should throw a party."

McCoy narrowed his eyes at Kirk. "Okay, first off, it is six o'clock in the goddamn morning. Second off, I went on one date with Peni, she's not my girlfriend. Third off, even if she were, what the hell are you banging on my door like the Klingons just attacked earth for?"

"This is a monumentus occasion, okay. Look..."

"You mean momentous."

"That too." Kirk put his hands on his hips. "Look, I am going to take you out for some fun... I guess tonight, since... Hah! I didn't realize it was this late."

"How the hell do you pass your classes?"

"I'm a genius. Also, also, also. We'll make it a double date, okay. I'll bring Ruth, you bring... what was it?"

"Peni. I don't know if we're going to go on another--"

"You bring Peni, and we'll go to Cosmo's. That's your favorite, right? So you gotta come... I'm gonna go shower. See you in Advanced Astrophysics!"

Kirk was gone before McCoy had a chance to argue.

McCoy went back to his bed and collapsed into it. "Rule two, Leonard," he mumbled to himself. "Rule two."

__________

The double date was a disaster.

Or, at least it was a disaster in the sense that they all had a great time, and when they parted ways, Kirk went with Ruth and McCoy went with Peni. McCoy even made out with her for a while on his dorm room bed before he drew away from her and said, "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Why not?" she asked, more curious than offended. She was a nice girl.

"I think I'm in love with someone else." It felt strange to say it out loud. "I thought I could get over it, but I guess not."

Peni smiled sympathetically. "All right, I understand. She stood up from his bed. "If you ever change your mind, you know how to find me."

McCoy just grinned and nodded. When she was gone, he got out his PADD. The screen was slightly cracked from the time he threw it across the room.

 _Rule #4: If your best friend falls in love with someone else, be happy for him._

 _Rule #5: Don't date someone just to make yourself feel better about being alone. It doesn't work._

__________

Kirk dated Ruth for a year, during which time McCoy's grades steadily increased.

He knew it had been a year, because Kirk had been talking about their one year anniversary non-stop for a month. He'd even dragged McCoy out to help him find a necklace for the occasion.

McCoy had figured that he'd have the night of the anniversary to dive headfirst into the book for his intensive class on radiation treatment, but just as he'd reached chapter three, there was a knock at his door.

He sighed, figuring that his roommate had forgotten his ident card again, but it was Kirk. He was wearing a suit with the jacket unbuttoned and the tie loosened, and a bottle dangled from between his crooked fingers. The look on his face was so damn dejected that McCoy's heart clenched in sympathy.

"Come on in," McCoy said gently.

Kirk nodded and went over to McCoy's bed, sitting on the edge of it, his shoulders slumped. McCoy sat next to him, leaning his elbows on his thighs.

They were both silent for a long while before Kirk finally spoke, "Do you think I'm too immature?"

McCoy frowned. "Is that what she said?"

"One of the things. I'm too immature. I'm not really ready for a serious relationship. I'd run off with another girl as soon as I felt trapped..." Kirk set his bottle heavily on McCoy's bedside table. "Worst part is, I think she's right."

"She might be." McCoy reached over to rest his hand on Kirk's back. "That don't make you a bad person, though. You get tied down too young, you end up like me."

"I don't understand it, though. If I'm not ready for a serious relationship, why did I fall in love with her? That's so stupid. How could I want to be with her and not want to be with her at the same time?"

McCoy couldn't help but crack a smile. "Just because you know you shouldn't fall in love with someone doesn't mean you won't."

Kirk sighed heavily and leaned over to rest his head on McCoy's shoulder. "That's why I like you, Bones. You tell me how it is. And I don't have to worry about all that romance bullshit like with girls. Like. I like being around them, and I like being friends with them, but there's always... I don't know. Not like with you."

It stung, of course it stung, but it didn't hurt as bad as McCoy expected it to. He put his arm around Kirk and gave him a quick hug. "Yeah. You can count on me." He angled his head to look down at Kirk. Kirk's hair brushed against his cheek. "Come on. Let's go out and get you feeling better."

Kirk grinned, then lifted his head. Their faces were close enough that McCoy could feel his breath. "I can count on you."

__________

When McCoy got back to his dorm room sometime near dawn, he made one last rule.

 _Rule #6: Never tell your best friend that you're in love with him. Just be the best best friend you can be, because he needs you._

He didn't break that one.

__________

McCoy found the PADD again about three years later, in a bag of things he'd thrown together when he was assigned to the Enterprise, but never had time to sort through.

He read it over once, then left it on his desk. Sometimes he'd look at it while he was working and spare a thought for the past.

Maybe in another three years, he'd actually be over Jim.

__________

One evening, McCoy had Kirk over to his quarters, like he usually did at least once a week. They shared a few drinks and shot the breeze. It was the only time they could both complain about every irritating aspect of their job without undermining their authority or rapport with the crew, and in the end they'd just laugh it all off together.

As occasionally happened when one of them had a particularly annoying week, they ran out of Saurian Brandy, and McCoy had to run down to the sick bay to grab a bottle from his stash.

He returned to find Kirk sitting at his desk, the PADD in his hand.

McCoy froze in the doorway, but Kirk just grinned up at him. "Come on in. I don't want the whole corridor to hear about my little argument with DeSalle."

"Uh..." McCoy cleared his throat and stepped in so that the door slid shut behind him. "That, um..."

Kirk motioned for him to sit back down with him, and McCoy did. "I don't know about that set of rules, Bones."

"Yeah, that's... I did that a while ago. It's, y'know." McCoy rubbed the palms of his hands against his pants. "Shit, Jim. Do you have to be so damn nosy?"

Kirk shrugged and stood up. "It's a weakness. Look, it's later than I thought, and I have an early shift. I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay." McCoy's cheeks were hot, and he could only hope it didn't show.

Kirk waved the PADD up and down between his fingers thoughtfully, then set it back down on the desk. He headed for the door, but paused just before leaving. "By the way, I updated that list for you."

McCoy blinked at him, and the door slid shut before he could get any questions out.

He sat still for a long moment before he picked up the PADD. He had to read the text ten times before he believed it was really there.

Finally, he began to smile.

 _Rule #7: Forget all those other rules and visit your best friend's quarters after your shift tomorrow. We'll make a new set of rules._


End file.
